It's July.

Hmm, what happened? I clearly neglected this.

Ok, since my last post, i have left both Banana and Camden Society. I have started working for South West Trains. I have been here since about beginning of June, and i can honestly say, it's not what i want. My role is gateline assistant/customer service assistant. Yes, it is a step into the company, but originally it was not the role i wanted to apply for. The hours are very different and the shift patterns are at least consistent. The pay is much better (which is why i left the other two jobs - but i do miss the camden society job. If they had a permanent full time position there, i wouldnt have taken this job- SERIOUSLY) 

Anyway, not much i can do now, i'm gonna have to hack it out for my 6 months probation at least and hopefully something similar to what i first saw will come back. If not, i might even consider leaving because i am 100% sure i am not going to be enjoying myself later down the months. It's much much different to what i expected :( and not in the good way :(

Apart from that, planned a trip with the girls to go Eastbourne. I still need to plan my trip to Edinburgh Zoo with Lewis. I have also started my driving lessons, i am pretty shit so far. Haha.

I dont really know what else i want to say - i'm like this almost all the time that i write one of these. I wonder when i look back at these and think how different my life was, or if anything that is happening now will be a direct result of where i am in the future. It's a strange thought. 

I saw Girugamesh again this year <3 and BabyMetal :O

Busy!

Yeahhh! I'm getting busy!

So i go myself another part time job working in admin at The Camden Society company. They help disabled individuals with their everyday life. It's still not full time but its more money and leaning some new skills. So as a result i have changed my availability at work and i think max hours i will get a week will be 20. I realised that if i get the max hours at BR, i will be working 6 days a week :/ :/ :/

Apart from that traumatising note, haha - everything else has been kind of ok. Lewis is great, everyone at home is doing their thing. OH YEAH, I TOTALLY PAID OF MY STUDENT LOAN THIS MONTH! :DDDDDDDDD

OH AND ONE OK ROCK WERE BRILLIANT!

haha, i have been out of it!

It...

Success and confidence is what i wanted from 2014. So far, neither. I have had no job success and my confidence is at an all time low. I've been so irritable this month. Ignoring people, sleeping as much as i can and not bothering to do things. I dont understand what's wrong.

Also i am finding it harder and harder to keep my relationship under wraps. I'm sure mum knows something, but i dont feel ready to tell her until i have a full time job. Thats what it's always been. Sigh. It's getting really stressful, and i still havent found a moment to just cry. Everyone is on half term this week, so thats a bummer. I wonder if the problem is me or mum? I mean, i know that i've never really been able to tell her things...she always shouts and puts me in the wrong...maybe thats why?

Work is giving me less hours, the NHS thing is kinda pissing me off and i cant be bothered to much to be honest with it (just like everything else in my life).

I just cant be bothered with life these day....
:/
:/
:/