Well....Merry Xmas

Yes, well, ahem.

I neglected this.

Firstly, Lewis did get the job, hes so happy and i'm so proud. He worked hard for it!
One Ok Rock were FUCKING FANTASTIC! I cannot wait to see them again! speaking of music, so upset that Lead singer of lostprophets is now jailed for this crime; which he deserves! but it sucks for the rest of the band and the great music they made. So much internal conflict ;(

Yes, Christmas is in 2 days. I got a flareon plush and socks so far, not keen on presents at xmas. Got the family presents though and Lewis and his mummy. I hope they like >.< i am rubbish at present buying!

Work is still work and yes i am still there :/
Currently trying to update norton on the big computer....uhhh. bad idea. haha. 

Lets hop 2014 brings a better year for us all. Success and confidence is what i want this year. 

OVER A MONTH

OI
What have i been doing, i havent updated you for over a month!

Well, really i've mostly just been at work. YES WORK. I've been given 32-40 hour weeks (which is awesome yet tiring, lucky i have today off). They have also hired new people at work, 2 of which have already quit and one who looks like Rae, well seriously remind me of her! haha

Also a few weeks ago Lewis came over, to the house, he met ma and stayed for dinner! Like woah! He came to help me with my CV (which i sm utterly grateful for as it looks awesome now!) I should really text him to find out if the company he wanted to work for texted him, but if he hasnt texted me, i'm kinda worried he didnt get it :( Aw baby! :(

In 2 days time i will be seeing ONE OK ROCK in concert. FUCK YES. I am so excited! its crazy! It's a sold out concert as well! Hopefully i will be nearish the front! :)

Otherwise not much to say, Diwali is next weekend, so no halloween celebrations for me!

Modelling ?

I really want to model. I have no idea why. I feel like its the only thing i can be OK at. You know, the photographer tries to find your good side and exploits it; and then the computer editor fixes up all the issues. 

I mean, its sad to say that it would be the only thing that i want to do right now, but i really dont know what to do with this whole 'finding full time employment' business, because i am not gonna kid myself, i am shit and noone wants me. A degree is clearly not enough to convince people to hire you.... :/ 
I am seriously bitter about the whole situation. /sigh/

It's mid September, still just cruising along...really unhealthy. Real bored. Unhappy that its getting cold again.

I am good at complaining. haha. 

About a month later....

September....

12 hours shifts at work....
Jobs offered are filled because of their stupidity or mine...
Learning to cook, slowly...
Wanting to get my own place...
Autumn is here...its raining...and cold...
I love Lewis. 
I still need to work on my issues....
Music is fabulous.
Period cramps and throwing up sucks...
I wanna eat.....

A real mix last month, i dont know.  

OH-KHAY

So, its the beginning of August, (kind of) and its been weird. Well, dont i say that for every month!? haha. So i paid of £5000 towards my student loan and now i have like NO money at all for stuff. This makes me sad, as i need stuff.

Work. What can i say, annoyingly stressful as always. We have 3 managers leaving and the whole 'brand ambassador' thing becoming greatly serious. To be honest, i think its a great idea but they are approaching it all wrong with us. I just need to make sure i step up my image at work and keep this job, because as far as job hunting goes for something i want to do, its not looking to good. In fact, the really sad thing, is that i dont know what i want to do :/ I'd rather be a stay at home mum and prefect my cooking skills and maybe even start my own wardrobe. Actually it would be pretty cool to model :o

So, Lewis is away at Bloodstock this weekend, so its actually the first weekend for a while that i have stayed at home, BOTH days, yeah i dont think my friends give a shit about me tbh. What can i say, i aint the greatest person around....

Hmm...July

Well that went awfully quickly :/

This month has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs really. At the moment i would say more downs. Parents outburst and arguments lately have really upset me. Doesnt help that little one is a giant annoying teenager!

Currently i am job hunting, but again, its so depressing and the other day i just wanted to give up. The weather has also been rather depressing, let hope this 'heatwave' we are promised in the next few weeks actually happens!

On the 4th August, i will be seeing Iron Maiden! Yes! Live at the 02! Lewis got me a ticket, so it should be good :) I think, if things will ever go my way (guess i should stop being a shit) we can dream of moving to Canada and getting a husky and spending the rest of our lives together :O

I dont want to get of track and think to much so lets see how this month goes :/
Also, work has reduced my hours back to contracted hours..well for everyone...so weird shifts now and only 12 hours :(

It's June already!

I've been feeling pretty shit this week and i'm not even sure why :/

Yesterday i started talking about 'feelings' and about my past and stuff and it was really scary but i'm glad i;ve told Lewis now; i think it will bring me closer to him. 

Anywayyyy, i can't believe its June already! Where has this year gone? I actually have an interview today but i dont think i will get it, but you can ever get enough interview practice (i guess). 

This is going to be a busy month, with Tina's birthday, the thing at Aunty's and just little random things. 

I'm not sure why i'm writing this, considering i'm in a pretty shitty mood but i felt like i should write something on this anyway. 

Boredom strikes

The best part of the last few weeks has been my weekend with Lewis. Like seriously, it was soo good. Besides watching the entire 1st season of Game of Thrones (its really good) we just did cute little things. He took me to my first proper car boot, we had a sort of romantic dinner (haha) and lazed around and make foods. It was really relaxing and comforting and i wish i could live like that alot more. No worries, no cares.

So, i've been given lots of shifts at work recently, so i'm feeling alot more run down lately and the worse part about it, is working weekends so often. I kind of need those days off. I am still job hunting but i am getting nowhere and its always pissing me off when all i get is rejection after rejection.

I guess its a pretty standard few weeks again, just trying to hang in there and keep my head up. Sometimes i wonder why i write this, i'm not even interesting...

Yuck.

p.s Good luck to my sister with her exams!

Oh yeah, i'm 22!

Yeah, it happened, i'm a year older now. I spent my birthday at work, but it wasn't so bad. I got a free lola's cupcake and everyone was nice. But meh. I didnt even have much birthday cake and the family didn't do the usual singing and blowing candles and stuff. Quite strange really. Maybe they acknowledge i am becoming an adult? :/

So i only got presents from Lewis (atm, since i asked the other for the Charmed boxset :p) He got me a stitch kigu and some vans shoes. His card was definitely my favourite bit of the present :3
Tomorrow i am going to a club to celebrate my birthday with Amy, and i'm gonna dress up and stuff. Should be a good evening :)

So, its been another few uneventful weeks, just trying to look for some better work while still at BR. Grandma should be coming out of hospital too, which is a massive relief. So yup. Boring things to do. 

ALSO I DO NOT LIKE A 5-9 SHIFT. WHY DO I HAVE ONE TODAY D:

Sick and tired

I am getting sick and tired of constantly job hunting. Enough is enough. I get it. I am inadequate. It's such a struggle just applying for jobs and my email being full of rejections. I really don't know what to do, i don't want to stay in retail and yet even after all the volunteering i have done and a degree i am still yet to say i have achieved anything with my life....

I also really despise cultural differences and how much they can affect a person. Why does the colour of ones skin have to determine how they are treated, who they should marry, what they should do? No. Humans are humans, we all have a heart, we all need the same air to breathe so what fucking difference does it make?!

A-hem. That was rather pessimistic and angry. Haha.

Good news, i think mum is cool with my going Edinburgh this summer with my friends :)

Almost happy birthday!

Haha, Yeah, its Lewis's 24th birthday this Sunday (31 march) and i literally just finished wrapping all his presents  To be honest i didn't really get him anything of value, just bits and pieces, but i think i spent like £50 :/ lol. But hes worth it ^.^

Anyway, today i am doing some job hunting, its been quite a weird month. I mean things at work have changed as i seem to have less hours, apparently we will be assigned to our contracted hours as of next month :/ this makes me feel really insecure. So yes, back to job hunting unfortunately. It's so annoying :(

Um, so i actually don't have much to say this month. It's been pretty standard i guess.

Weird.

So, something weird happened on Friday. I got an anon message on tumblr basically saying someone misses me and i know who. First thing that springs to mind is Aaron, it cannot be anyone else, i dont know anyone else who has said that to me or who i have dated (since hes the only ex). To be honest i was rather surprised and pissed off. I mean, he contracted me on fb not to long ago so why all of a sudden are these messages and games coming from. I left a really harsh message, because i dont what him to think there is a chance. It just seemed a bit childish, he could have fb messaged me instead and if it really is one of his friends...um...butt out please.

So besides that this week has been alright. I havent seen Lewis enough which bothers me. Work is still poop, job hunting is still poop and its getting cold again and i havent worn shorts or something funky for some time now. Must say its annoying me. Haha. 

Gotta start saving up though if i want to move out or go on holiday with Lewis. Grrrr, working in a shopping centre is the worse. haha

End of another month

It's going so fast. They say time goes fast when you are having fun! Maybe i am having fun? I don't know.

Well, its been about 2 weeks since i've seen Lewis properly, its a bit unnerving; but i'm surviving, maybe a little better than he is. It scared me that someone can relie on someone else so much. Ok, maybe not that far, but care so much and want to be with them often. I guess i'm still not all that ready for this.

So, job hunting has stalled at the moment which is frustrating because i really want to get out of retail, i've been doing 28 hour weeks leaving hardly any time for myself or social life; in fact. Oh well. 

Not much to say, i really want to tell the family about him, but babysteps. Oh, also thinking of going Scotland with the visuals in august :D

I love you

I know it! He said it, he did! omg. I felt it. It's like a soppy love story falling into place. Being friends for over 2 years, one fall for the other, the other likes them too but is blind as a bat to see anything until it happens. aosifjuhyghsjgeoihgdjs
Just too many feelings. 

Ok, so apart from my happy love life, work is going alright. I still dont like it so i am job hunting to find something else. Sad truth being i have woken without knowing what it is i want to do with my life. Kinda depressing to be honest. But i wont give into it, i will stay positive (yuck). 

February

WHERE HAS THIS MONTH GONE!?

Wow.

Well i;ve been at my work for about a month now and its going ok. I still dont like retail and i dont like some of the work and everyone; but its alright. 

Today my back hurts :/

Planning holidays is nice. Going places is nice. Not arguing and staying home is nice. Growing up is ok. 

I'm silly

So i had an interview at Banana Republic and i GOT THE JOB! :D

Although i should be happy etc, i did ditch on the Saturday, but tbh i wasn't sure how to handle Rae's nagging for concert, my want to see Lewis and the fact that i would be tired as it was a very long shift, which makes me a little nervous and upset about going in today!! :/

Today it is still kinda snowing but i refuse to stay home. I have to go after missing that day and it looking really bad on me. 

I really dislike the snow.

Today i also got signed OFF jobseekers which is good :) Plus i no longer have to go to the charity shop! So it's a bit like being at uni again which is really good. This will help relax my mind, de-stress and prepare myself for more job hunting and doing my own thing. It's nice to have some money to do things.

Haha, one day i'm gonna go Italy with Lewis! 

Also the strangest thing happened on Tuesday. Aaron got in touch with me. It was the weirdest thing ever, i never thought i would ever speak to him again, i don't even know why he's talking to me o.o; I didn't really care, but it was pretty shocking after everything that happened. 

Oh well. Better relax a bit more before work :)

Model Student?

Today i went into Maximus, it was really busy; which was odd. I did some job hunting but not much today. I didn't even stay my 4 hours, plus i am not going in tomorrow. Haha. And my advisor tells me i'm a good student....hmmm...

Tomorrow i have a photoshoot with Rae. It should be interesting! haha! (And also that interview i'm not sure i want to go to :/ )

This week has gone rather quickly and its been better structured, thankfully. 

I need to stop worrying about my weight and body image too.

I really, really like Lewis. 

2013

It's here!
2013.

Wow, and what a night i had. Saw my friends and then stayed with Lewis :)

I do have better hopes for this year, since i have been sticking to my job hunting and staying positive i do have a job interview tomorrow.

No much to say. Body is acting weird. Hope its nothing to serious or scary D:

Norton Antivirus and the big computer, just DO NOT MIX WELL.